Him n Her
by d.darkshadows
Summary: This is a story about a boy and a girl where their's respective feelings are shown in a narrative version on their own thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

1

As I lay motionless in the hard and cold concrete beginning to be filled with something warm that was coming from my body slowly covering everything, I heard a faint crying and shouting, with the warm rain-fall falling on my face. It took me a while to recover my senses which was still going numb. I looked around and saw an angel hugging me and crying. And a thought run across my mind, "How could you be so beautiful even though you are crying? As I thought I am really in love with you. I can't help it". That girl, who has been with me since childhood. We were always together, we were even born at the same time and date at the same place and even now when I am dying we are together but I am afraid I was the one going first. Even though my every body parts hurts, the pain I feel the most was in my heart especially knowing the truth. It really hurts. It really, really hurts. It's not due to that I am dying or going first but it's because she was crying in front of me. Because so far I remember she never usually cry, she always used to have a bright and smiling face. But now she is crying now, in front of me for me who doesn't even deserve her single tears but even though I can't even cry. Tears just won't fall. Because I know that she will hate me if I cry. But why will she hate me if I cry? Ah! I remember now.

I used to be a cry-baby back in the old days. Even the smallest things made me cry. But she was always there to make me laugh and protect me like an angel. She was always there. Once while protecting me from other kids bully she got badly hurt and was even admitted to hospital. She was admitted for almost like one month which looked like ages to me. Time passed so slowly without her by my side that it looked like the time has frozen itself as a punishment for me for being weak. I always went there after school and after meeting up with her, I always went to the toilet and cry blaming myself for what has happened to her. "It's my entire fault. I am so weak. I want to grow stronger. It's all my fault." These very words echoed in my brain. But then one day as I went to the restroom to cry as usual she showed up unexpectedly and she slapped into my cheeks saying that if you ever crying again I will start to hate you, then surprisingly she embraced me having tears in her eyes saying "It's alright, it's not your fault. I will always be there to protect you." That day I cried so hard resting at her shoulder that every people of hospital must have heard it and after that I never cried again. I always wondered how did she know what I was doing there and also she was so bold enough that she just barged into the men's restroom. It's still a mystery to me. Ah! She was crazy indeed, my crazy little angel.


	2. Chapter 2

2

So what was I doing here? Oh I remember. I am dying and also I was having the flashback of my past with her. By the way the situation which I am in now, I don't regret it 'cause it was something which I was able to do to repay her for all the things she has done for me. Finally, finally I was of some help to her. Finally I was able to protect her. Finally I was like a cool hero of some movies who protects his loved ones. But there's only one thing I want now desperately. To give back the response to her feelings which she had told me a month ago, that she loves me and that she always wants to stay by my side to protect me like back then. I was so happy when hearing that words coming out of her mouth. But at that moment I realized that I don't deserve her. She deserves far more better guy than this worthless piece of shit. She can get any guy easily if she wants to 'cause she was always surrounded by hot, handsome and cool guy unlike me who is coward, weak and always a gloomy nerd. How could not she get guys as she want? She was the most beautiful girl that I had ever seen in my entire life. I want her to have a better future with a better person. So I acted as a mean jerk saying that I am not a child anymore, that I could protect myself and don't need her to be there every time I fall. After that she ran away to her home straight without even looking back at me. But the next morning she came to my room with a bright smile running through her face and acted like usual. I noticed from the look at her eyes that she had cried for a whole night. I wanted to say I was really sorry for yesterday incident and that I.. I really want to have her like she wanted. Just three words "YES", if only I had said that back then, the story might have turned to the other way around than this situation which I am in now. What was expected of me? I was such a coward. I hate myself. From that day on I always trained hard every morning, joined Taekwondo class so that I will be strong, strong enough to protect her in future, strong enough to accept her feelings. But to my dismay, it is now a wish which will always be a wish. Oh how I wish that right now I could speak. To say that I am really sorry for back then, I really love you too and I want you to be by my side for a whole life like you always have been. Oh how I really want to stand up straight, smile and say I am alright, don't cry. Nothing is going to happen to me. But all I could do was look at her sad, crying and beautiful face which was fading by a minute. I was feeling sad and happy at the same time. Sad for not being able to speak and move to comfort her, and happy to be finally able to protect her. After a while of gathering and mustering all of my strength my hands touched her face and slowly wiping out her warm tears I managed to say,

"Don't... cry... I... I am sorry, I lo..."


	3. Chapter 3

3

We are always meant to lose the people we love, sooner or later. It's the curse we are born with. But it would have been nice to grow old together with your loved ones. Days were longer but the nights were much longer without him by my side. It was a living hell for me to be all alone in this crowded world. Every moment now and then, I would think about giving up my life, but how could I do that after all he had done for me. Damn it. One thing is for sure that I will never ever forgive him for what he has done to me and to himself. As I walked by a pair of children, I saw them laughing and holding hands together. It reminded of my past. Ah! We used to hold hands together like that too, laugh and play, fuss and fight. I smiled unknowingly but again the sadness dropped by my side again. I looked up to the sky. It was so clear and blue. I wish I could fly. Fly away from all these problems, fly away from all these messed up feelings, fly away from all these sadness. Ah what a day it will be, if that was to happen. But it won't happen. Miracles don't happen that easily.

Since childhood he was alone. He lost his parent when he was just a little, lost his home and had to stay with the relatives. That was the reason why I never left him alone, always stood by his side looking over him. I felt like I should protect him. A strong feeling for him has already been placed. Unknowingly he had become someone special to me. I would have done anything for him. But now I am going to lose him, I can do nothing but just watch him as his life withers away. All I can do is blame myself for what has happen to him. Why? Why god? Why are you so cruel to me? Is this some kind of test or what? I don't want to lose him. I don't care what happens with me. All I want to see is to be him happy, smiling and living his life contently. He doesn't deserve this. He deserves far more better than anything. The day when I opened up my feelings for him, he spoke the truth. I was being selfish and was only thinking about my feelings only. He has already become much stronger than before, obviously he doesn't need my protection. For the god sake he is a guy. What was I thinking? But still that day I cried for the whole night. Tears just won't stop. Never have I cried so hard. And next morning I decided that, I will wait silently for him, for him to accept me and work hard so that my feelings will reach towards him. I will wait no matter what. But it's now a wish which will only be a wish. I reached there after a while. I could see him lying on his bed unconscious. I sat beside him then grabbed his hands slowly. I could still hear his faint heart-beat sound. The tears just won't stop from falling. I don't know what to do or what to say. All I did was held his hand soothingly.


	4. Chapter 4

4

Nothing happens, nothing changes. The days and night passed by 'cause it has too, but I felt as though that everything stopped right there for me. Everything and all. Outside I was smiling, laughing as though I am enjoying but inside I was broken. Day by day, I felt weaker as if I had lost something, something more important. What was it? Oh! How could I forget? Him. It was him. Since that day I was like that. There's not a single day when I had not shed tears. Even if I want too or others want me too, I could not enjoy anything. I only act. At first it was hard but now, I am used to it. Used to act as though nothing has ever happened. But sadly the reality is still there. His presence is still there to remind me. His presence still lingers in every bit of my soul and memories. Oh god! Why did I even call him out there that day? It's my entire fault. It's my entire fault that he is like that now. People would say that you should move on and try to live my life to its content but how could I, huh? Just how could I? While he is there suffering alone, just how could I? I looked outside the windows from where a pale shimmering light was falling, which were fading second by second just like my true self. The sky was crying. The sky which was just a clear and blue suddenly started to pour down as if it knew my feelings, as if it understood me. I felt as though that it was crying instead of me knowing I couldn't take it no more looking at him like this. Ah! How could I even cry now? No matter how much I want to cry now, the tears won't simply fall. Why? Because, maybe I may had cried too much or so I think. Or inside my head I think it's enough now. Enough of shredding tears and start to move on. But still, still... I want to wait for him. For a miracle to happen, even if there's just 0.000001% to happen out of 100%, I want to wait. Wait for that tiny freckles of miracle. If I knew this was going to happen then I would have... Wait, what could have I done? I'm so useless. Just what could I have done huh? I feel so weak. Never had I felt so naked. Maybe I should do as some friends of mine said. To go out on a date with some random guys to forget and replace him. Well! That maybe a good idea though. New people, new memories. He will be using me, and well same goes for me. People always do that. To use and be used. That's how it works nowadays. Maybe I will give it a try. But after that what? Be like the society wants and ignore my own needs regardless how I feel inside or fight till I could take it no more. Fight till I get broken totally from inside or be a puppet and act like everything's is okay and that I'm content and my life is complete without him. But the sad reality is it's not ever going to be complete without him. Parts of me, he still owns it or maybe completely. The more I think about it, the more complicate it gets. Sigh… I wish I could go back in time and change everything. I wish he had not met someone like me.

I just... I just want to run away from this mess. Somebody… Somebody please help me. Anybody…

Thank you guys for your kind review and support. Helps me lot to not to disappoint you guys. See ya on next chapter.

Annie815 Well i can't go ahead and spoil it right? You have to wait for it to see what happens. And thanks.

innocentsmilehehe In time bro, in time it will be revealed.

And sorry everyone, it seems that i won't be posting here any longer as i have violated some rules as this was one of my original work but i will be publishing through fiction press so if you wanna read next chapter of mine please go through fiction press and search for me with the same author name.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Everything is vacant out here. I don't sense anything except the two doors, one in front of me and other one at my back and I don't know what they are for. Did I really die? Are these two doors are the road to my salvation? One which will lead me to heaven and another to hell. Well whatever! I don't care. It's so silent and peaceful out here, I could spend my eternity here or so I thought. But suddenly I felt so lonely, as if something is missing. Strange things beginning to happen, as if those mere thoughts of missing thoughts brought this all. Sometimes I hear a faint voice calling out for me and sometimes I would see someone far away but when I try to reach her she just vanishes away. But wait! How do I know it was her? Something is really amiss here. I just get the feelings but I don't know what it is. Something really, really important. It feels like I have forgotten something far more precious than anything. But also I don't seem to remember what it is. I tried my best but still couldn't remember what it was. It was vivid and was fading slowly within my memories. I have to remember what it is or was. I have to. It's really beginning to irritate me now. I have the feeling that if I don't remember it now I will lose something... someone more to be precise. When I think about it, something really hurts. Something really hurts inside of me. But also I don't know what. Am I really dead or alive? I am beginning to hate this feeling now. The sudden silent and peacefulness are shattered into pieces now. I just want to go somewhere far away from this place. Heaven would be good but what about hell hmm? Well I won't mind as long as I can get away from this place.

Suddenly at that moment I got a hinge that I must walk away from here to make this growing pain and loneliness to stop. And without a second thought my legs just started to move forward, towards the forward door. The voices, everything just stopped for a moment when I started walking towards the front door. I felt kind of relived. But the more steps I took towards the door, the more it begun to hurt inside of me. The pain was suffocating me. Was it a wrong decision? Then suddenly, I heard a small faint voices saying "Don't go, please come back." I stopped for a spur of moment there just to be sure it was not a delusion but then again the nightmare begun after I resisted myself to walk towards that door. Sometimes it would rain, sometimes I was surrounded by pitch black darkness and time again and again I could sense someone beside me and heard voices. All these things were driving me insane. All these voices and whisperings behind my back which was growing louder by the second were making me mad too as I can't recall who it was calling me back. If I go forward I felt too much pain and I feel as though I am about to leave something much, much more important and was making a grave mistake but when I try to go to the door behind my back it becomes worse, and I would feel a sudden violent pressure on my body as if somebody or maybe something is pulling me away to keep me out from that door. The surroundings around me would also change dramatically as if the entire things around here were trying to make me stop choosing that door behind my back. It had become a hellish place now which was so silent and peaceful at the beginning. I just want to get out from this place now. I just... I just want to run away from this mess. Somebody... somebody please help me. Anybody...

||And sorry everyone, it seems that i won't be posting here any longer as i have violated some rules as this was one of my original work but i will be publishing through fiction press instead so if you wanna get updated to my next chapter of mine please go through fiction press and search for me with the same author name. I'll be there and after this finishes up gonna start a new story. Thank you very much.||


End file.
